Lost my ahgong

Received a call from my mom on wee morning of 16 may.
My ahgong has passed away.
However, it's not due to natural death thus not able to get his body back yesterday.

First time I went to SGH mortuary yesterday.
Didn't get to see the body thou as there's only a fixed no of people who can go in.
Thus only my uncles went.

Thou my mom din manage to go in, but I guess she was slightly relieved ba.
If she saw guess she will break down again.
As it's not a pleasant sight.

As I told Eben in the morning, I had never attended any close relative funeral, thus in a way lost, not knowing what I can do?
Except be at my mom side.

My feeling was quite mixed.
I'm not really very upset or super sad.
Perhaps was not close to him, in fact only see him once to twice a yr.
But of coz I hear abt him quite often thru my mom.

Frankly I was more upset knowing how my bedridden ahma will react, esp when knowing my uncle has no intention to tell her, for fear she will just go.

My ahma is really attached to him despite him spending most of the time with the 2nd one.

On one hand I wished my ahma can get to pay her respect (thou risk is she can't take it) as she is so into him.
On the other hand, I dun wan to risk losing her, she had yet to see her future great-grandchild.
Ya, it's future tense coz no bun in oven as of now.

Dilemma I guess. :(
Shall let my uncle decide ba.
Since he is the son.
He mentioned he can't tahan losing both in such a short period. :(

I will still be going work then pop over to the wake at night I guess.